How many times do you hit the snooze button every morning? This morning I managed a personal best with 4 rounds of delaying the inevitable. This left me with about 13 minutes to get ready and be out the door if I was going to be anything resembling punctual. The effect adrenaline has on my efficiency is incredible. No limb goes unused. I’ll pull my pants on as I go down the stairs while brushing my hair. I’m a one-armed barista making a leftie latte while my right hand scoops cat food into a dish. Meanwhile I’m visually searching the room to see where my belongings are to minimize any further lost time. Today I grabbed my coffee, phone, purse and…I couldn’t find my keys. I searched my purse, then the kitchen, followed by the entire house. At this point I was standing around overheated and anxious while debating whether to call a cab, call in sick (will this day get better? Probably not) or check a bus schedule. I called Mike and bless his organized heart, he knew where my spare car key was. I had no idea whether the spare key was in the house let alone where it would be. I was at work ten minutes later.
I really do try to give myself more time; to leave 15 minutes earlier, prepare ahead of time, designate a place for my stuff. And it works for a while. I’ll be on top of things. And then life happens. I have a busy day or a really bad day. I change my routine. Ultimately the problem is my brain. No matter where I am physically, I’m rarely 100% there mentally or emotionally. My brain takes me to last week to relive an embarrassing experience or I’m thinking about next week and where I’ll be. Sometimes all it takes is hearing a certain word or seeing a familiar place and I wander off on a mental journey returning to the present some time later.
One of my good friends went to India this year for a month long yoga and meditation retreat. It was inspiring listening to her experiences. My 2016 doesn’t look like it’s going to include a meditation retreat in India. Instead I found the Winnipeg Sri Chinmoy Centre which offers free meditation classes. Sri Chinmoy was a spiritual master from India who spent his life teaching meditation with the philosophy that practicing meditation brings inner peace and stimulates creativity. I had signed up in February and to be honest, I had forgotten about it until the centre called me last week. This opportunity couldn’t have come at a better time because I was in the middle of an awful week . The first session is tonight. My hope is that the mindfulness will transfer into my daily life and leave me feeling more present. My friend told me that meditating was incredibly difficult for her. In the beginning she would get angry. She would be sitting in a room full of serenity and the harder she tried to relax, the more angry she would become. She overcame her frustration and has continued to practice meditation on her own. I don’t think I’ll have the same reaction she did. I think it’s more likely that my challenge will be preventing falling asleep while I’m supposed to be meditating. On the bright side, if I do nod off I won’t have a 13 minute adrenaline-fueled panic attack. Unless I lose my keys again of course.